Forgiving

All of my life, I have heard in church what a forgiving God we have. It sounds so wonderful when you are on the receiving end of forgiveness. But, isn't it hard to be the one to give it? Especially when the other person isn't asking for it and doesn't feel like they have done anything wrong. I've had a person in my life for the last 10 years that I have had trouble accepting and forgiving. For some deep reason that I can not understand, I feel hate when I simply hear the person's voice. I feel disrespected, mocked and belittled by the person. Yet, this is a person I need to forgive for past wrongs, whether they ask for it or not.

Forgiveness is not pretending the wrong did not hurt.
Forgiveness is not making light of your pain.
Forgiveness isn't cheap or easy.
Forgiveness isn't something to take lightly or to give carelessly.
Forgiveness is not about being above someone else.
Forgiveness is about letting go and giving up the right to get even on our own terms.

"For Thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon Thee." Psalm 86:5
"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32

Change

I was thinking about what provokes change in my life and how I have grown over the years. I came to the conclusion that one of the biggest things is Pain. Pain forces me to take a hard look at myself and ask myself what needs to change. What needs to go. What needs to stay. Where do I need to learn. What have I learned. It is the uncomfortable places and unconvient times when I have learned something important about myself and who I am. One of the biggest things is what I am not. In the process though of learning what I am not, it narrows my focus onto what I am. If that makes any sense.
But, also growth for the believer comes through the gentle pull of the Holy Spirit. I never noticed before how we can shake off the pull of the Holy Spirit and quench him though. A God who created the universe and we can shake His Spirit off like he is not even there. He is a persistent spirit though and keeps after us with a love that is ever reaching out to us. It is like the God of the universe, who could force us at any time to our knees if he wanted to, choses to respect our wishes even when those wishes are contradictions to His own will. He doesn't demand to be loved, but rather loves as an example to us of what love is like.
Then, when we turn around and He finally has our attention we realize that it is our loss that we did not turn around sooner. It is our loss that we didn't realize that the one who was seeking our attention was the Spirit himself. The Spirit who moves and directs and plants within us the soil and the love and the nourishment that causes God's fruit to grow within us.

Revelation 11

I noticed this week these words from Revelations 11:1-2. "And there was given me a measuring rod like a staff; and someone said, "Rise and measure the temple of God, and the altar, and those who worship in it. And leave out the court which is outside the temple, and do not measure it, for it has been given to the nations; and they will tread under foot the holy city for forty-two months."
I've read those verses numerous times, but then I stopped and thought about why John would be asked to measure the temple. But, not the outer court. And what does it mean to tread under foot? I may be reading too much into this but doesn't treading it under foot suggest to you and measure of disrespect and even hostility to the Gospel? Have you noticed that this is happening not outside the temple, but inside where the Gentiles should be? Then, I thought to myself how do I show disrespect or hostility to the gospel or do I?
Isn't it interesting that the people that Jesus had the most contempt for where the Pharisees and lawyers who made the faith a set of rules. They threw the baby out with the bathwater when they ignored the compassion and love Jesus called them to live by and instead made God reachable if you only follow a list of rules. As if we can ever be good enough on our own. They forgot it was all about grace and God's power that got them saved in the first place. By doing so, they showed contempt for the very gospel they represented.
I'm really not sure if that is what is going on in this passage or not. It could also be, that the way many churches attempt to water down the gospel and make it a "feel good" gospel is part of this also. That they seek to stop talking about how we need to live holy lives and stop talking about sin because it isn't popular. They forget that at times Jesus was not popular. In fact, sometimes the crowds simply walked away when Jesus would not perform miracles at their command. Some actually came for the same reason some go to hear popular speakers today, to come see the show under the big tent. To be a part of what is popular. To be entertained.

"As a result of this many of His disciples withdrew, and were not walking with Him anymore. Jesus said therefore to the twelves, "You do not want to go away also, do you?" Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life?" John 6:66-67

Picking a church home

Over the last two years, we have been in North Carolina, I have been looking for a church home. At this same time, I am dealing with a lot of hurt I still feel about the way I feel I was treated at the last church I worked at. I am wondering a lot of things right now, including whether or not to remain Baptist. I have visited a number of churches in the area, but most of them seem dead or in the process of dying. One of the larger churches in the area seem to be very hard to get to know people there. So, it seems I don't know where to go or if I should even be trying to find some place to go.
In thinking about what is important to me. I think being in a church where people are friendly is important. I want for the church I am a part of for people to get along with others. A hint of a problem in the church justs makes me want to run away. But, along with friendliness is also the theology and whether or not the sermons mean something. Most of the sermons I have heard lately are on the intellectual level of a 5 year old. An inch deep and a mile wide. I want more.
Also, the kids program needs to be good. I want to be in a church where my kids don't complain about how boring the teacher is and how they hate going like I use to do.
Some other things I think are important are: good music and good attempt at outreach in the community. Obviously, you can't make anyone come and visit or join your church, but you can reach out as a church. It seems there is so many obvious needs that people have. For a church to close its eyes and just do business as usual seems irresponsible to me. Whether it is a tutoring program or benevolence or missions or feeding the hungry, the church should be rolling up its sleeves and getting involved. We are to be the hands and feet and graciousness that Christ himself demonstrated.

Matthew 8

The scripture in the devotional I read this morning was in Matthew 8:14-21 about how Jesus warns the disciples about the leaven of the Pharisees. Previous to this, Jesus had fed about 4,000 men with seven loaves of bread. The disciples are talking among themselves about the fact that they have only one loave of bread. Apparently, they are worried about this even after seeing the miracle. They think that Jesus' reference to leaven in verse 15 is about bread.

This in some ways reminds me of myself at times. The worries of each day consume me and I forget what God has provided in the past. All I can see is the troubles "right now" and not how He saw me through yesterday. I wonder what the facial expression and tone of voice Jesus used to speak to the disciples in this passage? Was he angry? Did it frustrate him to have disciples who could see such miracles and not learn anything? How is it possible to see 4,000 people fed on a few small loaves and then get worried because you have only one loaf? Did Jesus wonder that too I wonder? If he did, then he also wonders about me when I am slow to learn and see and walk by faith. His question in verse 21 he could equally apply to me today, "Do you not yet understand?"

Thank God for his patience and lovingkindness in the face of my stubbornness and being slow to learn.

Minister Visit

When I was a little kid, the minister from the Methodist church came to visit us. He was new and not really good with kids. My mom called me from downstairs that a visitor was here to see me. I told her to send him up, but she insisted that I come downstairs. I was further alarmed when I found out he was in the living room, which was a room we hardly ever used. I was very alarmed though to look around the corner and see the new preacher sitting on the white couch in the living room in his suit. I wondered what in the world he would say to me. I was wondering if God had told him something about me. Quite frankly, it scared me to death to think about it. The minister always talked about God like he personally knew him. I was absolutely sure there was some kind of red phone, like in the old Batman television shows, somewhere in his office that God called him on.
I quickly said "hi" that day and went right back out the dining room as fast as I could. That was about all we said to each other for another 6 years or so after that.
I was thinking about that and wondering if that is part of what John meant when he talked about how Jesus is the "Word". In a sense, a word is always directed, it is always personal, it is always communication. There is creativity in the word "Word", as well as a sense of communication. But, it is always personal, it is always pervasive, it is penetrating. It doesn't allow us to rush into the room and out the other side without being changed in some way. It is always directed, not to the masses, but to us. Isn't that kinda amazing, that God wants to speak and he wants to speak to us, to you, to me. And far from being afraid of what he is to say, it is a good message, a hopeful message.

New Church

I went to a Methodist church this morning that I had not tried so far. We live about 3 miles from this church. I don't have anything against the Methodist church, but for some reason just hadn't picked that one to go to. I got there late and a man helped me find the sanctuary. After the service I was greeted by at least 5 people. They told me there is an earlier service also that is more contemporary. I went to the traditional service.
I heard some of the same things I have been studying in the Bible study I am doing through Charles Stanley's ministry. The pastor talked some about the love of God and how it is unconditional, which is exactly what I read last night. It is amazing that God loves us knowing us as well as he does. I wonder why he isn't totally disgusted with what He sees.
I heard some other things that sounded alot like things I have said from the pulpit. Talking about how we are not just in church to be served, but to serve. I heard a little complaining also from the pastor about not everyone being on board about the playground that they are installing. He emphasized that the church is interested in working with children, which was encoruaging. Apparently they are having trouble getting enough nursery workers also, which happens in almost any church these days with children.