My Online Faith Journal

I was sitting in church last Sunday watching what was going on wondering to myself if what we do as church worship is truly for the most part worship? I was listening rather than singing because I didn't know the words to most of the songs the music leader was leading the congregation in. Though I enjoyed the music very music and didn't have a problem with it. I was thinking "Is this truly worship?" "Am I truly worshipping?" What about during the sermon? Is that truly worship? Or is that the exhaltation of a man speaking what he believes God is saying to him? I walked away not for the first time on Sunday thinking that perhaps what we call worship isn't truly worship at all, but rather something else. Then, as I am thinking about that, another thought crosses my mind, "What does God think about what is going on?" "Is it even possible to know what God might think of this?" The verses in Isaiah come to mind telling us that God doesn'

One of the most moving stories for me in all the miracles that Jesus did is in John 11:38-44. Jesus raises Lazarus from the grave. He came there it appeared too late to do anything. In fact, when Mary and Martha see Jesus they say to him at different times. "If you had been here, my brother would not have died." 11:21,32. They didn't understand he needed for him to die to demonstrate the power of God through him. But, the reality of it is is that they spoke out of their grief and pain and lack of understanding that we all experience at times when trying to understand what an infinite God is doing. Not that it is completely possible for us to ever completely understand. Jesus also still weeps as he sees the tomb verse 35. It is the shortest verse in the Bible, but filled with meaning. Jesus was not distant from their pain, even though he would move the stone in a few moments. Lazarus would one day go back into the grave once more. Only to one day hear that same voice again

I drove by a church last night that I had not been to before, but was close to my house. I wanted to look at it and find out the service times. So, today I went, without knowing anyone there and sat through the worship service. I was sitting there thinking about my search for a new church home and asked myself again for the hundredth time, "What am I looking for and what is important to me here?" The service was a typical Methodist traditional service. Nothing wrong with it at all. They even had a communion service served with two common cups. I didn't take part. I was thinking that it really was not sanitary to use two cups to dip bread into. Maybe I'm just showing myself there that I would come up with such a lousy excuse. Also, I was thinking I probably wasn't in the right place right now to take communion. Too many conflicting emotions going on with me, too much hurt. I'm really not sure though if I should have or not. Part of me was wondering who the trou