Bitterness

    Our sermon last Sunday was about the fruit of the Spirit.  The pastor was talking about love and referred to the opposite of love as bitterness.  I am not sure that I agree with that, as I see the opposite of love being apathy, but I can certainly see why he would feel that way.  I felt convicted that I have allowed in the past some bitterness to creep in and take root.  I want to be free from that and walk in the love that Christ would want me to love other people with.  Sometimes people make it near impossible to love or even like them.

     I didn't realize when I left the church I worked at years ago just how angry and bitter I was.  I was so disappointed that it didn't work out and that people who were initially excited about our coming turned on us very early on.  You wouldn't believe the angry and hostile emails I got from church members.  Fights about things like easter egg hunts and whether or not we would have a softball team.  It all seemed so petty and childish.  For a good year or two after I left West Virginia I couldn't even sit all the way through a service because I would remember someone and the hurtful things they said and have to leave.  I was horribly angry and after a while it took root and spread.

     I also alienated myself from the church because I didn't want to get hurt again.  Anyone reading this like to get hurt?  I don't.  So, for a while I stopped going.  The thinking is that if I am not there you can't hurt me.  A lot of people do that and I think many of the pews in churches today are empty because of that.  But, in the end, I don't go to church just for other people.  You go because God deserves your worship.  The church is imperfect, but then aren't we all.

     So, I kept trying and over time I realized how angry I truly was.  It was embarrasing and evil what some people said and did in West Virginia.  I guess I could just write it off as them being backwood hillbilllies, but I don't really see that.  I think at some point I realized that the one I was hurting the most by hanging on to the bitterness was myself.  So, over time I have had to let it go and move on.  Aware the whole time that people have it within them to be very nice, but also at times very evil.  You can't always tell either who it will be.  There is no light or cardboard sign they are carrying that says, "I will tear your heart out and eat it." 

     So, we are going back to church and have picked a new church home.  It is non-denominational and perhaps more different than any church that I have been a part of.  It is loud and the guy with the guitar is a little weird, but every Sunday I have been there God has spoken through his word.  I need that.  I need a word from God.  I need to feel that connection.  And the truth of the matter is that I am weird too just in different ways. 

     The truth also is that I have the capacity within me to be pretty mean also.  One lesson perhaps that can be taken from this is what i don't want to be like.  That I don't want to assume the worst in people.  That I don't want to be hypocritical and judgmental.  That I don't want to claim I live one way and then walk another.  That service in the church isn't about a power trip and who I can boss around.  I really see that there are a lot of modern day Pharisees in the church today.  I can remember one pastor I worked with brag about the nice chair on the platform that he sat in and the phone on the platform where he could call the soundboard guy.   We all have those dark and sinful places in our hearts and that experience is a warning to me about what I don't want to be like.  I want to live as Jesus would want me to and be a good example to others.  Not being on some power trip because of a title or a position. 

Joy in the Lord

     Recently, I applied to be a moderator on christianforums.com and started training to do this.  As a moderator, you talk to other people a lot about the faith.  I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to share what I know with others.  The forum is something I have been a part of for the last seven years.
      The moderators have a number of steps that they take to let a person know that they have  broken the rules, warnings and infractions can be imposed.  Of course, if someone does something really horrible then they can be immediately banned.  So far, I've actually banned two people while I've been in training.  Both of them were advertising web sites on the forum which is prohibited.
     One thing I have noticed about many christians is that they are harsh.  People are willing to argue and call each other names and really act ugly towards each other because someone doesn't agree with their position.  I've noticed this in the church also.  It's a shame that some churches are actually more well known for what they are against and their legalistic viewpoints than their love for others.
     I don't think it is a mistake that when Paul mentions joy right after love in Galatians 5:22-23.  It says,
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, against such things there is no law."  Let's be totaly honest for a second and ask yourself if the church you go to, the churches that you know about are they known for these qualities?  Are these qualities you see growing in your own life?
     I think about Paul and the fact that when he was in prison with Silas they were heard singing around midnight Acts 16:25.  Having been beaten with rods that day, fastened their feet with stocks and left to bleed in the inner prison, Paul found the joy in the Lord to sing.  I honestly don't think I would be singing.  I think I would be complaining at the top of my lungs.  Paul wasn't singing abou this circumstances though because his circumstances were pretty horrible.  He was rejoicing in the Lord which he tells us to do also Phil 3:1.
     The great thing is that I can rejoice in the Lord regardless of my circumstances because he doesn't change.  I can always rejoice in the fact that he sent his son to die for me and had the power and ability to raise Jesus from the dead.  I can rejoice that one day he is coming back and will right the wrongs in our society.  I can rejoice that he has overcome sin and death and one day death will be no more.  I can rejoice that he is never too busy to hear me when I call out to him.  I can rejoice that he loves me and that he cares.  There is plenty to rejoice about despite the temporary problems and afflictions of this life.

A Lying Tongue

   Over the past 7 years, I have been working in a variety of mental health settings.  From hospitals, to the community in a variety of settings and variety of ages.  My youngest client on my case load was three and my oldest was around 65.  People have sought help for a variety of reasons including housing, managing symptoms, needing medication and sometimes just needing some support and an ear to listent to their story.  In some cases, I have enjoyed the people I have worked with and in some cases I have been glad to move on.  In most cases, I think I can say without being prideful I have been helpful, but not always.
     One of the hardest things to deal with is when people are less than truthful about their situation.  People come to treatment for a variety of reasons.  Sometimes they come because others want them there.  Other times, they come because they want records showing they sought help due to a disability claim or because of a court case.  In some cases, they actually want to get better and are willing to do the work required.  In many of these cases, clients are motivated to cover up or lie about some things they don't want you to know about such as drug use.
      One of the reasons this is hard to deal with is that it is hard to help someone when you don't have all the facts.  It also erodes the ability to trust the person and what they are telling you.  In mental health work, giving false or misleading information can lead to a misdiagnosis which can lead to the wrong treatment being provided.  It wastes time and can lead to the proper treatment not happening.  In a time when we are experiencing managed care time is very important.  Have you ever thought about the importance of telling the truth.  Have you ever considered that in John 8:44 Jesus refers to the devil himself as someone who has no truth in Him and is the "father of lies."
      There are a number of places in scripture that talk about how much God hates lies.  Proverbs 6:17; Proverbs 12:22, Colossians 3:9; Ephesians 4:25 all talk about lying and the importance of not lying.  I like how in Hebrews 6:18 says that God himself cannot lie.  That is really important because we can know and rely on the fact that God keeps his word and can be relied upon.  This means we can trust God.
      Telling the truth is important in so many ways.  It is important in personal relationships.  We need to know we can trust people to tell the truth and to not hide important information or feelings from us.  It is important in court cases, so that witnesses tell the truth.  It is important in government that our congress and President tell the truth and give us all the facts about their decisions.  I believe we suffer now because many do not trust their government to tell them the truth.  We should be careful to consider our words and to remember how much God hates lying and loves it when people tell the truth in love.