Facing Your Biggest Fears
When I was a chaplain at WakeMed in Raleigh, one of my biggest fears is that the Trauma calls would come one right after another and that I wouldn't be able to respond to all of them. Or that I would not know how to respond to them or that I would experience a infant death on my unit and not know what to say. In the course of the year and four months that I was a chaplain in that setting, I experienced all of those problems. I wanted to say a little about what I learned from that.
After five trauma calls in 90 minutes, I realized that not only did I survive that nightmare, but I actually did much better than I thought. I had thought that people would analyze and be critical of what i had to say, which really wasn't that much to begin with. What I found out was that presence matters more than what you say. I can remember sitting outside of ICU with a family of about 30 people who were awaiting word on a loved one. I asked if I could pray with the family and we all joined hands and prayed. it was simple, direct and to the point. Not profound knowledge or insight. It was just a matter of treating others the way I would want to be treated. That is enough.
Then there was the time when a lady was sitting with her mother who was dying and would die later that afternoon. I simply ran into the family making daily rounds. Nobody had called me there. When the nurse finally did mention that someone should call the chaplain I was able to respond that I was already present (we didn't have name badges). Again, not a lot of profound things were said, I simply sat with this lady and we talked about who her mother was and I was present.
Then, much later in my journey as a chaplain, a toddler was brought in to the emergeny room that wasn't breathing. The doctors marked it down as SIDS and told the family they could not revive her. I thought that would be overwhelming to me. It was sad to go to the morgue and be with the family. The mom literally fell on the floor in the emergency room and cried. We all felt like crying with her. Not a lot of profound theological thoughts there. I felt like everything I could say was trite and meaningless, so I simply tried to stay in the room and listen and provide a listening ear. The interesting thing was, that nobody took away my chaplain card, nobody accused me of being a fraud, nobody blamed me and I survived it. My biggest fears in the job and I survived it. And I found out that if you treat others the way you want to be treated then that is the best gift you can give others.
So, yesterday I was in the emergency room on my new job. Facing another situation that I didn't feel I knew how to handle. I sat with the family member for 5 hours, I listened, I didn't say a whole lot, I thought about what to do, I called people. Turns out, the situation worked itself out for now and I survived it again. Again, I think it showed that presence, simply being there, being the person God called you to be, is more important than what you know or think you know.
After five trauma calls in 90 minutes, I realized that not only did I survive that nightmare, but I actually did much better than I thought. I had thought that people would analyze and be critical of what i had to say, which really wasn't that much to begin with. What I found out was that presence matters more than what you say. I can remember sitting outside of ICU with a family of about 30 people who were awaiting word on a loved one. I asked if I could pray with the family and we all joined hands and prayed. it was simple, direct and to the point. Not profound knowledge or insight. It was just a matter of treating others the way I would want to be treated. That is enough.
Then there was the time when a lady was sitting with her mother who was dying and would die later that afternoon. I simply ran into the family making daily rounds. Nobody had called me there. When the nurse finally did mention that someone should call the chaplain I was able to respond that I was already present (we didn't have name badges). Again, not a lot of profound things were said, I simply sat with this lady and we talked about who her mother was and I was present.
Then, much later in my journey as a chaplain, a toddler was brought in to the emergeny room that wasn't breathing. The doctors marked it down as SIDS and told the family they could not revive her. I thought that would be overwhelming to me. It was sad to go to the morgue and be with the family. The mom literally fell on the floor in the emergency room and cried. We all felt like crying with her. Not a lot of profound theological thoughts there. I felt like everything I could say was trite and meaningless, so I simply tried to stay in the room and listen and provide a listening ear. The interesting thing was, that nobody took away my chaplain card, nobody accused me of being a fraud, nobody blamed me and I survived it. My biggest fears in the job and I survived it. And I found out that if you treat others the way you want to be treated then that is the best gift you can give others.
So, yesterday I was in the emergency room on my new job. Facing another situation that I didn't feel I knew how to handle. I sat with the family member for 5 hours, I listened, I didn't say a whole lot, I thought about what to do, I called people. Turns out, the situation worked itself out for now and I survived it again. Again, I think it showed that presence, simply being there, being the person God called you to be, is more important than what you know or think you know.
