Some struggles
It is my desire to be as transparent as possible with folks who read my blog here in the hopes that my sharing will help others. With that in mind, I want to share with you some of my struggles and how my faith has helped me deal with some of my issues.
Since I was a teenager, I have struggled at times with feelings of depression. For months I can do very well only to struggle occassionally. At this stage in my life, I am doing better than I have in a long time, but I can't honestly say those feelings don't come back sometimes because they do. One thing that helped me is that I remember that God sent his only son to died for me. God sent his very best for me because he loves me that much. If God was willing to sacrifice like that then I must be pretty important to him. And if God feels that way about me and he created me then I should also be able to accept myself. After all, God is our creator and if he thinks that much of you then who else's opinion matters more?
I will also be honest with you and say I remember being bullied a lot as a young person. I had friends, but not many though the ones I did have friendships with they were usually good ones. Ironically, there are people on facebook who want to "friend" me now that wouldn't talk to me when we were in school. I remember being called names from people on the bus in junior high on a daily basis. After hearing people call you names for years you start to believe it. Maybe that is why after so many years my experience in an abusive church hurts so much, because church was typically one place I felt safe and that is no longer the case.
When I first came out of seminary, I went to Virginia to work in a church as a education/youth minister. The pastor there in Petersburg was a bully. His way of controlling people was to embarrase them. This was the church where I met my wife, but I still left that position after a year and one month. To be honest, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have stayed as long as I did. I can recall one time when the pastor was yelling at me during a youth committee meeting. He was calling me names. I told him that I was sorry that he didn't like me, but God accepted me the way I am and his opinion was more important to me than the pastors. I then left that meeting, so I didn't have to listen to him verbally abuse me. I had a hard time listening to him after that because he discredited himself and his witness.
It saddens me when I look at the news and see how much violence and abuse there is in the world. It seems we live in a culture that devalues people and how important they are and uses people. We don't realize the enormous value that God puts on people. When you hear about child abuse and abortion (which is nothing more or less than murder), rape and terrorism, I can tell you right now that God isn't pleased. He should have judged our country many years ago. We really are on borrowed time. I pray everyday that he will return soon and end all the violence.
I don't think there is anything more important to God than that we love Him and then love other people (Matthew 22:37-40). As a christian, it is my job to show to others by the way I treat them that they are of enormous value to God and also to me. There is no excuse for name calling or abusing people verbally or otherwise. You have to remember that God not only loves you, but also sent his son to die for that other person as well. That isn't just the people who are funny or attractive or smell good, but also to the homeless, the alcoholic, the addict, the person in jail. There is an eternal value in people despite what they have done.
This is a witness that must be lived out on a daily basis. In how you do your job, in how you treat other people, in whether or not you keep your word. There are a lot of people who claim to be christians who simply can't be relied upon. They say one thing and do another. Are you a person of your word? Do you do what you say? Do you try to be nice to people when your not feeling well? Do you regard for others and respect even when you disagree with people? All of those things matter when it comes to our witness.
This is one of the reasons I try to work as hard as I do at my job. I see my job as my ministry where God has placed me. The people he has given me to work with are people he wants me to help. So, I try to do the best I can. I know that my time is limited with them and so I want to make the best use of my time. I would suggest to you that regardless of what your job is that God has also placed the people around you for a reason. These are the people God wants you to minister to regardless of what your job title is. You are there for a reason. It is not an accident.
Since I was a teenager, I have struggled at times with feelings of depression. For months I can do very well only to struggle occassionally. At this stage in my life, I am doing better than I have in a long time, but I can't honestly say those feelings don't come back sometimes because they do. One thing that helped me is that I remember that God sent his only son to died for me. God sent his very best for me because he loves me that much. If God was willing to sacrifice like that then I must be pretty important to him. And if God feels that way about me and he created me then I should also be able to accept myself. After all, God is our creator and if he thinks that much of you then who else's opinion matters more?
I will also be honest with you and say I remember being bullied a lot as a young person. I had friends, but not many though the ones I did have friendships with they were usually good ones. Ironically, there are people on facebook who want to "friend" me now that wouldn't talk to me when we were in school. I remember being called names from people on the bus in junior high on a daily basis. After hearing people call you names for years you start to believe it. Maybe that is why after so many years my experience in an abusive church hurts so much, because church was typically one place I felt safe and that is no longer the case.
When I first came out of seminary, I went to Virginia to work in a church as a education/youth minister. The pastor there in Petersburg was a bully. His way of controlling people was to embarrase them. This was the church where I met my wife, but I still left that position after a year and one month. To be honest, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have stayed as long as I did. I can recall one time when the pastor was yelling at me during a youth committee meeting. He was calling me names. I told him that I was sorry that he didn't like me, but God accepted me the way I am and his opinion was more important to me than the pastors. I then left that meeting, so I didn't have to listen to him verbally abuse me. I had a hard time listening to him after that because he discredited himself and his witness.
It saddens me when I look at the news and see how much violence and abuse there is in the world. It seems we live in a culture that devalues people and how important they are and uses people. We don't realize the enormous value that God puts on people. When you hear about child abuse and abortion (which is nothing more or less than murder), rape and terrorism, I can tell you right now that God isn't pleased. He should have judged our country many years ago. We really are on borrowed time. I pray everyday that he will return soon and end all the violence.
I don't think there is anything more important to God than that we love Him and then love other people (Matthew 22:37-40). As a christian, it is my job to show to others by the way I treat them that they are of enormous value to God and also to me. There is no excuse for name calling or abusing people verbally or otherwise. You have to remember that God not only loves you, but also sent his son to die for that other person as well. That isn't just the people who are funny or attractive or smell good, but also to the homeless, the alcoholic, the addict, the person in jail. There is an eternal value in people despite what they have done.
This is a witness that must be lived out on a daily basis. In how you do your job, in how you treat other people, in whether or not you keep your word. There are a lot of people who claim to be christians who simply can't be relied upon. They say one thing and do another. Are you a person of your word? Do you do what you say? Do you try to be nice to people when your not feeling well? Do you regard for others and respect even when you disagree with people? All of those things matter when it comes to our witness.
This is one of the reasons I try to work as hard as I do at my job. I see my job as my ministry where God has placed me. The people he has given me to work with are people he wants me to help. So, I try to do the best I can. I know that my time is limited with them and so I want to make the best use of my time. I would suggest to you that regardless of what your job is that God has also placed the people around you for a reason. These are the people God wants you to minister to regardless of what your job title is. You are there for a reason. It is not an accident.
