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  So, this may surprise you since it says that I am an ordained minister and deacon, but I have not been to church in a month or two.  I was sitting here thinking about trying to go to a nondenominational church in Lexington sometime soon, but not sure if I will.  I am just not sure where I fit in anymore.  The times that I have gone to church lately, I have preoccupied with what my kids were doing or misbehaving or having a difficult time concentrating on what the pastor was saying.  It seems like I am using more energy than it is worth.  I also wonder if what I am doing in church would even really be considered worship since I seem so preoccupied.

  I think also that I am these days hungry for something authentic in my daily spiritual life.  Something that works.  It seems so much of the time I don't see much difference between those who don't go to church and those who do.  I fail to see any time in the Bible where a person encounters God and stays the same.  Maybe the problem is that we don't encounter God in church often enough and rather only man and his ideas.

  I am by no means saying that I am perfect or that I have arrived.  I have as many faults as anyone else.  So, the frustration isn't just everyone else and not me.  I have two degrees in both religious education and Masters of Divinity.  I have studied the Bible through many years of study on my own.  But, I still see glaring problems from where I need to be and where I am.  So, my frustration is also that the church has not made the impression on me that I wish it would have.  I know one thing though, is that I am tired of feeling like I am just going through a routine and I want more authentic worship and an encounter with God.  That is what I am hungry for and not more of what man thinks.

Sorry if that sounds like I am gripping. . . .I am just saying I want more of God and less of everything else.

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