So, this may surprise you since it says that I am an ordained minister and deacon, but I have not been to church in a month or two. I was sitting here thinking about trying to go to a nondenominational church in Lexington sometime soon, but not sure if I will. I am just not sure where I fit in anymore. The times that I have gone to church lately, I have preoccupied with what my kids were doing or misbehaving or having a difficult time concentrating on what the pastor was saying. It seems like I am using more energy than it is worth. I also wonder if what I am doing in church would even really be considered worship since I seem so preoccupied.
I think also that I am these days hungry for something authentic in my daily spiritual life. Something that works. It seems so much of the time I don't see much difference between those who don't go to church and those who do. I fail to see any time in the Bible where a person encounters God and stays the same. Maybe the problem is that we don't encounter God in church often enough and rather only man and his ideas.
I am by no means saying that I am perfect or that I have arrived. I have as many faults as anyone else. So, the frustration isn't just everyone else and not me. I have two degrees in both religious education and Masters of Divinity. I have studied the Bible through many years of study on my own. But, I still see glaring problems from where I need to be and where I am. So, my frustration is also that the church has not made the impression on me that I wish it would have. I know one thing though, is that I am tired of feeling like I am just going through a routine and I want more authentic worship and an encounter with God. That is what I am hungry for and not more of what man thinks.
Sorry if that sounds like I am gripping. . . .I am just saying I want more of God and less of everything else.
